"Hat-Trick" Dampens Ryan's Spirits

by Mike Wheeler

Ottawa Senators forward Bobby Ryan was on the receiving end of some swift justice earlier this week. The star winger was late to practice Thursday morning and this infraction did not go unnoticed by Chris Neil and other members of the team's true leadership core. Reportedly, Neil sent a message to Ryan by throwing all of his hats into the locker room shower.

According to sources, between 50 and 100 of Ryan's hats - all his trademark "army cap" style - were gathered up from various places in the team's dressing room and unceremoniously dumped into the shower rendering them soaked well beyond wearability.

Ryan, who considers the caps to be stylish, did not take very kindly to the gesture. Teammate Curtis Lazar spoke of the incident after, "When he saw them in the shower, he just kind of stood there in a silent rage. He gave Neiler a hard look and stormed out of the room, virtually naked from the neck up. It was pretty tense."

Speaking with the media, coach Dave Cameron stated that Ryan then went missing after leaving the building. "We knew he was pretty steamed when he didn't show up for brunch. But then when he missed lunch, snacks, second lunch, second snacks, and hors d'oeuvres, we became really concerned. It wasn't until about an hour before the game that he called me and said that he would be playing that night but only if Neil promised not to touch his hats anymore."

Veteran forward Clarke MacArthur assured the media that this kind of behaviour happens all the time in the locker room. "Just recently, Karlsson was the first one off the ice at practice, so the real leadership group threw all of his hair products into the shower." MacArthur continued, "And any time Methot showed up to a team meeting in one of his sleeveless shirts, we would always throw it in the shower too. But that one backfired because I think he was pretty happy to be walking around shirtless."

"One time Turris forgot his tie on the bus and so we dumped a whole garbage bag full of his gold chains in the shower." MacArthur stated that this is a very regular occurrence in professional sports, and the National Hockey League has a long history of throwing stuff into showers as a means of discipline.