Eugene Melnyk has Everything Under Control

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

by Bonk's Mullet

Eugene Melnyk made his year-end media rounds on Tuesday to extinguish the flames of the bush fire that was the 2013-2014 Ottawa Senators season. Melnyk was kind enough to temper the flames with a tank of gasoline. You wanted honey? Melnyk took a baseball bat to a beehive. That's the kind of selfless leadership our owner provides.

Many of you know that I'm currently a PhD student in linguistics. Recently, I've spent a great deal of time studying the rare language known as "Melnykese." There's only one remaining speaker in the world and he happens to be the owner of your Ottawa Senators. Melnykese is a peculiar language, in that speakers tend to say words that mean the exact opposite of what exists in reality. This can be highly confusing to English speakers as the language looks and sounds exactly like English.

Lucky for all of you, I've taken the liberty of translating key excerpts from Melnyk's interviews yesterday. Eugene Melnyk began the day with a telephone conference call with local media, presumably because the fax lines were jammed. He then called in to TSN 1200 and the FAN 590 before doing a Twitter Q&A. I've broken down his answers into convenient categories.

Game Summary - Game 82: A Happy Ending to a Sad Story

Sunday, April 13, 2014

by Steve On Sens and Bonk's Mullet

The Mullet: "Hey Steve, seeing as how bad this season has been, it seems only fitting if you do the summary to end the year"
Steve: "I don't know..."
The Mullet: "I'll snag you a Paddy's Pub keychain from the Philly airport next time I'm in Ottawa"
Steve: "You're a good man Doty. I'll do it."

A Detailed Breakdown of Questions Posed to Eugene Melnyk on Twitter

by Bonk's Mullet

It hasn't been an easy year for Sens fans: Losing their franchise hero, being promised a cup run by the media, and then falling flat on their faces right out of the gate.

Thankfully, the Ottawa Senators have an owner in Eugene Melnyk who cares. An owner who is willing to stick his neck out for his fans. An owner who is willing to publicly embarrass himself routinely so that by comparison, the on-ice product seems affable. After 81 games, Melnyk hasn't lost his resolve.

Photoshop Gameday Preview- Ottawa @ Pittsburgh

by Capital Gains

It's game day! The Sens are in Pittsburgh tonight to take on the Penguins for their final game of the regular season. It seems like just yesterday we were polishing our keyboards and sharpening our wit in the pre-season.

Spirits are high coming into tonight's game, as the Sens beat the Leafs 1-0 last night. Ottawa is looking to end this disappointing season on a high note, and go for their fifth straight win tonight. Here are the story lines for Game 82:

Game Summary - Game 81: Goals? Where we're going, we don't need goals.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

by Bonk's Mullet

Sens-Leafs needs no intro! Let's do it!

Photoshop Gameday Preview - Toronto @ Ottawa

by Capital Gains

It's game day! The Sens are in Ottawa tonight to take on the hometown Leafs. Hold on, that can't be right. Ottawa is hoping to build off of their 2-1 shootout win against the Devils, and win their fourth game in a row.

The stakes are raised for tonight's game, not because of the standings, but because it will be a #SensMotB game! If you're new here, Sens Money on the Board is a charity drive in which you pledge money for in-game events. For example, you can pledge $6.50 for a Karlsson assist, $16 for a MacArthur goal, $19.67 for a Sens win, or whatever your creative little mind can think of.

To make a pledge, follow the instructions here.

 Now on to the story lines:

Game Summary - Game 80: Goodbye, Farewell and Potvin

Thursday, April 10, 2014

By Luke Peristy

The play-by-play announcer and colour commentator are the most ubiquitous parts of watching sports on television, which means it's easy to take for granted the effect they have on one's viewing experience. A good commentary team can take a bad game and make it watchable. A bad commentary team can do the reverse. A great commentary team can take any game and make it memorable, and sometimes they don't even have to be drunk the whole time like Howard Cosell.

There's a couple of play-by-play announcing teams that will always stick out in my mind. Growing up, I absorbed as much of the lore of the 1972 Summit Series as I could possibly get my hands on, and because of that Foster Hewitt and Brian Conacher are forever entrenched in my mind as the voices of old-timey hockey. In the NFL, Pat Summerall's deadpan play-by-play was the perfect counterpoint to John Madden's exuberant analysis. Say what you will about Bob Cole, but there's few other voices in sports that so effectively match the excitement in the building they're broadcasting from. Bob Cole and Harry Neale were the broadcasting team for many of my (worst) childhood hockey memories, so much so that, as Chet Sellers once memorably put it, "I expect him to narrate my murder." Only Orson Welles ranks higher than Bob Cole on my Voices That I Immediately Associate With Impending Doom Power Rankings.

For years, Dean Brown has been the voice of weekday night Sens hockey, and since 2010, Denis Potvin has been by his side providing the sort of insight that only a former player suffering from frequent acid flashbacks can provide.

He doesn't even know where he is right now.
Sens fans have invited Dean and Denis into their homes ~50 times a year or more, and while I can't speak for all of you, to me they feel like family in the sense that they never shut up and let me get a word in edgewise. 

Tonight is the last time they'll be visiting. I'm going to miss hearing one of Dean's many catchphrases, or listening to Denis tell a story during a blowout about what it was like sharing a hooker hotel room with Mike Bossy in the 80s. I don't know who's going to be calling Senators games next year, but I do know that they will have some very large microphones to fill. (That's what you do with microphones, right? You fill them? I'm just a blogger, here...) 

One way or another, Dean and Denis have touched all of us.

So, thanks for everything, guys. You're welcome to watch a game at my place any time. (Bring beer.)

To the game!