For "Hire": Bloggers Wanted

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

by the Bonk's Mullet Staff

Hey folks!

It's been a huge summer for the hockey blogger community. A handful of the internet's best have been snatched up by NHL squads in an attempt to gain a competitive advantage for their clubs.

Lucky for Ottawa Senators fans everywhere, nobody from Bonk's Mullet was hired. Apparently making fart noises every time Bryan Murray said "Chris Neil" did not go over well in my interview.

Jealous of other blogs, we have decided to distance ourselves from the cesspool of middling hockey blogs to make a jump into the elite. As a result, we are looking to add more members to our extremely accomplished team. *Raises the 100 total page views banner to the rafters*

This is a call for Sens humourists. Our preference is for strong writing, but we're open to comics, videos, historical Patrick Lalime reenactments, or whatever content you can come up with. Our priority is and always has been "quality" Ottawa Senators humour, so that's the only limitation here. It's strongly encouraged that you're an active Twitter user because that's the only mode of communication we have with the outside world.

Your payment will come in the form of comradery and jokes made at your expense.

To apply, please send your contact info and one or two examples of content you'd like to produce to Please hand in your submission by September 21st. If you're submitting something written, keep it between 500 and 2000 words. That's not a strict requirement, but do enough to showcase your talents without killing me with length (That's what she said) (I retract my earlier statement about quality humor).

If you're just interested in writing a guest post or two, we're always open to reading whatever you've got.

As a disclaimer, it's not guaranteed we're going to add anyone, nor are we constraining ourselves to adding only one person. We're just looking for anyone who can bring our readers' smiles up to the Curtis Lazar level.

Happy writing!

The Ottawa Senators Dictionary

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

By Luke Peristy (with files from Chet Sellers)

Like many communities, Ottawa Senators fans have developed their own lingo over the years. Whether you're a new fan or an old one, if you're looking to understand just what people are talking about, we're here to help. Here is the Ottawa Senators Dictionary.

Ask Mullet Monday: September 2, 2014

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

by Bonk's Mullet

It was a big summer for me. Firstly, I decided to leave my PhD program. My apologies go to those of you who had grown accustomed to calling me Future Dr. Bonk's Mullet. I hope Bonk's Mullet, B.A.&Sc. is catchy enough to retain readership. Secondly, I moved from Philadelphia to Calgary, which are polar opposites in economic conditions; think of Calgary as MLSE and Philadelphia as an expansion team in the desert owned by Eugene Melnyk. Third, I got engaged to an amazing woman. Thanks for all the nice words that you've sent along. Fourth, I moved in with said woman, and fifth, I got a job as a web developer thanks to the absolutely top notch content available at this site.

After a full rebuild, it's time to get back on the blogging saddle (that was a reference to horses to demonstrate how acclimated I've become to the West *shoots guns into the sky*)! I asked for your questions for the first #AskMullet Monday of the 2014-2015 season. Here we go!


1. "Do you think Uncle Eugene has a case with his tax-evasion allegations against Valeant?" - Peter Raaymakers

Nice try, Peter. That's more of a mid-season #AskMullet question. I'd rather opt for a nicely lobbed softball question instead.

"What is your favorite Kevin Costner baseball movie and why?" - Zachary Deutsch

Okay, so it's a baseball question, but Field of Dreams, obviously. For the record, "If you build it, [they] will come," was also Bruce Firestone's motto when he built the Palladium in Kanata.

2. "If @sensfoundation sponsored a golf tournament - who would have a better score - you or @MelnykEugene?" - Will i @am

Definitely Mr. Melnyk, because he's always in the red numbers.

3. "Do you have tickets to the one Sens/Flames game this season and who will be tanking for McDavid harder?" - Andrew Campbell

I'm actually planning to get a big group of Sens fans together at the Saddledome for the game, so get in touch with me if you're in the Calgary area!

In terms of tanking for McDavid, I'll leave you with the highest paid forwards on the Flames and Sens:

See also: Erik Karlsson
Whatever you do, don't check who Ottawa's next highest paid forward/highest paid Cornell graduate is.

4. "Which ninja turtle is the best and why?" - James Gordon

The Green Ranger.

5. "Are the #REDBLACKS missing Spezza's offensive prowess?" - RedBlack Renegade

Well Mr. BlackGade, I fear that you are right. I've noticed that Henry Burris has been looking directly at his receivers before passing them the ball, almost without fail. If number 19 taught us anything, it's never to look your receiver in the eye. Given that the REDBLACKS offence is last in the league, a few dozen no-look laterals per play couldn't hurt.

6. "Is it true that the kegs at the Canadian Tire Centre are not refrigerated?" - Feisty

Although Eugene has been known to penny pinch, this simply isn't true. The kegs are kept at the ideal temperature of 3 degrees Celsius thanks to the icy silence of the 100's section.

7. "Who is the next beloved Senator who will tragically leave the team without warning?" - Andrew Berkshire

I think he already tried to leave but got stuck in traffic.

8. "Is Alfie coming back? who gets the C? will Harper get in another term? does this shirt go with these pants?" - marnie
It feels like Harper has been the Prime Minister for five terms. I just wish Alfie would come back for a second. And, yes, you look fabulous.

9. "I've heard when you get married, you get way less funny. Is this true? (please answer with a joke)." - Tyler Ray


10. "What do you think Jared Cowen is doing right at this very moment?" - Jaskyyy

Apologies if I didn't get to your question tonight. There were a ton of great ones, but I'm handcuffed by an internal cap of 10 answers.

Tweet me with #AskMullet or email to get your questions in for next Monday!

Ottawa Senators Off-Ice Power Rankings - September 2014

Monday, September 1, 2014

by Chet Sellers

Last month, if you followed hockey, social media, hockey social media, the media, the hockey media, or society, you probably saw more than a few folks take the ice bucket challenge. Heck, August is a hot month, right? And what's cooler than dumping ice on yourself? Raising awareness about ALS!

Here's what I know - most of the Ottawa Senators, with a few notable exceptions, filmed themselves dumping a bucket of ice water over their head last month. Some did it for the cause, some did it to be trendy, some did it because hell, that Lazar punk did it - we're not here to divine anyone's intentions or pass judgement on their motivation. We are here to rank things, though, and we do have all these videos lying around, so let's go!

The Chet Sellers and Luke Peristy Podcast - Episode 10

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

by Chet Sellers and Luke Peristy

Is there anything to talk about during the dog days of August? I don't know, only Sens Summer Fan Fest, contract extension after contract extension, and the most disappointing moments in Senators history! All that, AND a very special guest! Could it be? Tune in and find out!

And remember folks, if you want to subscribe to the show or you're looking for archives, you can find everything in iTunes or via RSS!

Sens Summer Fan Fest Recap - $1000 Raised For The Sens Foundation

Monday, August 18, 2014

by Kevin Lee

It all started back in August 2013 when Ottawa Senators fans were made aware of Cannonfest in Columbus, a fan organized event that's hitting its 5th year this month. By all accounts on social media, it was a huge hit with their fanbase. It even got Bonk's Mullet thinking.

Puck Daddy's Summer of Disappointment: Ottawa Senators Edition

Saturday, August 9, 2014

by Chet Sellers


What's this? An actual article? That's right! The good folks at Puck Daddy were kind enough to let me run through some of the most disappointing moments in Senators history, from bad drafts to playoff losses to ridiculous fashion choices. Did I get the list right? Find out here:

Puck Daddy's Summer of Disappointment: Ottawa Senators Edition