Greening: "It's time to make Binghamton great again"

Monday, October 5, 2015

by Capital Gains

As anticipated by many, Colin Greening cleared waivers and is on his way back to the AHL. Greening, who is already in Binghamton, decided to address the media to discuss his plan for the future of the B-Sens:

GREENING: Wow. Whoa. That is some group of people. Six of you. Fantastic.

So nice, thank you very much. That’s really nice. Thank you. It’s great to be at the Floyd L. Maines Veterans Memorial Arena. It’s great to be in a wonderful city, Binghamton. And it’s an honor to have everybody here. This is beyond my expectations.


Our team is in serious trouble. We don’t have victories anymore. We used to have victories, back when I was here in 2011, but we don’t have them. When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let’s say, the Carleton Ravens in an exhibition game? They kill us. I beat Carleton all the time. All the time.


Thank you. I bet some of you are wondering what a 2.75 million dollar player is doing in the AHL. Well, this demotion was by request. I told Mr. Murray to send me down as it would be beneficial for Ottawa, for the organization, and of course, for the great fans of the Binghamton Senators.

Bryan tried to keep me around, throwing terms like "big body", "top 6" and "compete level" at me, but I had heard enough. I told him that the NHL was no longer a challenge for me, that this — this was going to be the challenge I need at this point in my career.

There were many other reasons which influenced my decision to return to the AHL. Believe it or not, a major factor in this decision was because of my teammates.

Bobby Ryan — I've known him, and I've never liked him. I think he is a highly overrated guy, both in talent and many other ways.

Erik Karlsson — He is the worst captain Ottawa has ever had. I'd like to see his birth certificate. I bet he wasn't even born in Canada.

Matt Puempel — He lost a roster spot that should have easily been won against Chiasson. By the way, so did Prince. Prince only made this team because he would have been claimed. I like people who wouldn't be claimed.

Jared Cowen — I'm not a fan.

And of course our vets. Phillips and Neil have been abandoned. Hopefully, with one less body on the roster they will finally get the ice time they deserve.


Back to why I am standing here today. The Binghamton Senators need a leader. A leader that can bring back our goal scoring. A leader that can bring us back to the playoffs.

We need — we need somebody — we need somebody that literally will take this team and make it great again. We can do that.


So ladies and gentlemen…


I am officially running…


… for Captain of the Binghamton Senators, and we are going to make our team great again.

Senators desperate to emulate success of rival Maple Leafs

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

by Rob Poirier (@RobFeature)

For a very long time, the Toronto Maple Leafs have been the laughing stock of the NHL. But no more. At least that's the message that's being passed down to their players. Since last season, the Maple Leafs have hired a new president, a new coach, and a new general manager. But it's another, even more important change they've made that has their rivals scrambling to emulate them...

BREAKING: NHL pondering a pivot; not being "tone deaf shitbags"

Friday, September 25, 2015

by Joe Boughner (@McLlwainsWorld)

Documents uncovered by the RBM research crew show that senior brass within NHL headquarters are considering a drastic change of position on domestic and sexual violence issues in the NHL community.

"Guys, I'm starting to think we've been a bunch of tone deaf shitbags on this issue," an anonymous hockey operations official wrote in a leaked email. "Seriously, bags full of shit."

Sens Friends! #002

Thursday, September 24, 2015

by Mike Wheeler

It's time to sit back, relax, make yourself comfortable, grab a drink, check your texts, pet your cat, find your keys, eat some chocolate chips straight out the bag, and get ready to laugh!

Because here's a comic!

Cowen 'ready' for the most important season of his career

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

by Rob Poirier (@RobFeature)

This past week saw training camp begin for Ottawa Senators players, and while most returned with fond memories of the 2014-2015 season, some arrived hoping to forget it entirely. Among those in the latter group is Jared Cowen, a first-round draft pick who was expected to be a dominant force on the Senators blueline. Unfortunately, the towering defenseman hasn't yet lived up to expectations, causing some to speculate that this upcoming season could end up being his last in the NHL. I caught up with Cowen (and his beautiful, new man bun) to ask what he is doing to prepare for the most important season of his career.

Organization with low self-esteem welcomes back man who abandoned them

Friday, September 18, 2015

by Mike Wheeler (@TheMikeWheeler)

The Ottawa Senators held a press conference Friday to announce the hiring of former Senator and Red Wing forward Daniel Alfredsson as senior advisor of hockey operations, despite the fact that he walked out on them a mere two years ago and who knows if he'll do it again.

"You can't blame him for leaving to try find a better team. I mean look at how we were back then," explained General Manager Bryan Murray. "We were just dirt. We were worse than dirt, we were nothing. It's not his fault. It's just up to us now to not mess it up again and I'm positive he'll stay this time."

"He has to."

EXCLUSIVE: Stan Neckar "getting a little tired" of waiting on the Sens

Thursday, September 17, 2015

He played two games in that playoff run.
Two games.

by Joe Boughner (@McLlwainsWorld)

CESKE BUDEJOVICE, CZECH REPUBLIC: Former Ottawa Senators defenceman Stan "The Man" Neckar admitted that he's just about done waiting for his former club to call him about the vacancies in their hockey operations department.

"I'm getting a little tired of sitting by the phone," sighed the 2004 Stanley Cup champion defender as he stirred a lump of sugar into his tea. "I guess I just thought the call would've come by now."