The Week Ahead: The Don't Stop Believin' Edition

by Joe Boughner 

Despite losing a must-win game against those stupid jerky faces from Boston, the Sens are still hanging around in the playoff race, thanks to a pair of back-to-back wins against Montreal and the Islanders, and a shootout win against Philly. The scorers are scoring. The Hamburglar is hamburgling. The d-men are defending less of a tire fire. The clock hasn't yet struck midnight on this Cinderella team so let's get on with the preview before Disney goes all QMJHL Twitter on us and issues a cease-and-desist.

Last week's record

• 3-1-0 

This week's matchups

• Tuesday @ Carolina
• Thursday vs Boston
• Saturday vs Toronto

Storylines to watch

You know who I hate? Washington

A funny thing happened on our way past Philly in the standings: the Sens-Panthers-Bruins peloton reeled in the seventh-place Caps. And with games in hand on our national capital counterparts from the District of Columbia, suddenly they seem like an easier mark than those lousy pee-pee heads from Beantown. In other words, all of that time spent working up a hate-on for the Bruins was a complete waste of time because of their stupid superhuman goalie. Stupid bum head.

Luckily it's almost as easy to hate Washington as it is to hate the Bruins. Oh sure, they don't have anyone as douchey as Marchand or as neanderthalish as Lucic. But a quick look at their roster provides plenty of fodder for snark tweets:

Who's a good depth forward? Who is?
Yea, you are. Such a good depth forward.

• Jay Beagle? Are you a hockey player or a dog, jerk?
• Nice try, John Carlson, but everyone knows it's spelled with a K.
• Your Eric is only Fehr? Ours are superstars!
• Brooks Laich? More like Brooks DISLAICH.
• Brooks Orpik? You have TWO players named Brooks? Come on.

But wait we still have to hate Boston too

"And on Left Wing, number 63..."

Oh sure, Boston. OH. SURE. Just when we declare you unbeatable you go and get shut out by the Capitals? They have a player named BEAGLE, Boston! Ok fine, we'll keep hating on you guys too. We've already established that Marchand is a pile of human garbage and Lucic is basically Brendan Fraser in Encino Man, let's see what else their roster has for us:

• Loui Eriksson, you aren't Erik's son. You're older than him. Stop lying.
• Dougie Hamilton? Dougie? What are you, 12?
• Speaking of 12, Torey Krug looks 12. Also his name is TOREY.
• Max Talbot. That says it all, really.

The burger heard 'round the world

When RBM writer Joe "McLlwain's World" Boughner went to the Sens-Bruins game last week, he very nearly brought a McDonald's hamburger to the game to throw on the ice when Hammond was introduced during the warmup. He didn't, because he's a big chicken. But on Sunday night, as the Sens hosted the Flyers, someone tossed a burger and a fanbase lost its collective mind. Is this the beginning of a new tradition in Ottawa? Or will G-G-G-Gary and the Betts crack down on the fun before it gets going?

Oh also, we can all agree that that was a McD's burger, right? Nothing else would be so flat and fused together as to hold its shape during its flight to the ice, right? Here's the thing, RBM Nation, there is no McDonald's in Canadian Tire Centre. So did someone buy a burger and bring it with him or her? Then hold on to that burger through 65 minutes of hockey and a three-round shootout? And what would've happened if the unthinkable transpired and the Sens actually lost? Do you throw the burger in protest? Take it home as a souvenir? Eat it?

Things that make you go 'hmm,' indeed.

Parting shots

• Statline of the week: 2400 calories burned (approx) by NHL goalie / 240 calories in a McDonald's hamburger = 10 hamburger per game average workout
• Imagined Sun headline of the week: "Sweet Carolin-a!"
• What Sens fans will be complaining about on Twitter: Sens taking a bench minor for delay of game due to pickles freezing to the ice