Game Summary - Game 81: Goals? Where we're going, we don't need goals.
by Bonk's Mullet
Sens-Leafs needs no intro! Let's do it!
19:43 - After a missed 2-on-1 opportunity with Turris, Clarke MacArthur is slashed by Dion Phaneuf after the whistle. Upon contact with MacArthur's leg, Phaneuf's stick shatters and transforms into a flock of doves. The doves settle in the rafters and poop all over Phaneuf's head.
16:22 - A James vanRiemsdyk shot rebounds to Phil Kessel who bobbles the puck like it's a post-game interview.
14:53 - The Sens go to the powerplay for a Gleason penalty. Erik Karlsson's shot bounces off a Leafs defender's ankle and wide, because positive Karma does not exist at the Canadian Tire Centre.
13:40 - A loose puck behind Reimer is whistled down early. See my previous point.
11:32 - Phil Kessel throws the puck off of Anderson, who boots it 10 feet in the air. Tyler Bozak high sticks the puck in, claiming "I would never leave a bro hanging." Lucky for the Ottawa Senators, the NHL rulebook takes priority over the Bro Code. No goal on the play.
10:00? (I mostly make the times up) - On a 2-on-2, Ales Hemsky throws the puck on net. The rebound deflects off of Methot's forearm and in. The goal was disallowed due to incidental contact with the goaltender. My television is shattered due to incidental contact with the TV remote.
9:00 - James Reimer tries to punch Erik Condra in the back. Reimer whiffs on the attempt and his trapper sails off his hand and into the corner. Reimer decides to leave it there in order to save Condra's next shot attempt.
4:00 - After a Jay McClemment penalty, the Sens head to the power play once again. Clarke MacArthur goes for Through the Legs: 2 Pass 2 Turris, but unfortunately the pass finds Mark Stone instead. Stone tries to toss it over to Turris, but a Leafs defenceman interferes with the pass. Nobody in the building yells "shoot" because fans are patient and reasonable.
3:14 - Patrick Wiercioch takes a holding penalty on Phil Kessel. The Leafs use the power play to work on their wind sprints back and forth between the blue lines.
0:40 - Ales Hemsky gets a breakaway thanks to a nifty flip pass by Spezza. The pending UFA comes out on top. Sorry, was that ambiguous? The player run out of town by impatient local fans comes out on top. No? The guy with a sort of ginger beard? This is hard. Reimer saved it.
Nothing happens in the first five minutes other than total puck possession domination by the Senators, if you're in to that sort of thing.
6:30 - Paul Ranger goes off for 2 for holding Erik Karlsson. Millions of Ottawa natives swoon at the thought of doing the same.
7:30 - On the power play, Hemsky centers to the point for Karlsson, who dishes it down low to Spezza, who's posted up on the hashmarks. Spezza goes off the post low glove side and in to make it 1-0 Ottawa. If you follow hockey for the goals, I recommend you read this line over and over again.
6:16 - Jason Spezza is called for interfering with the goaltender despite never entering the crease. I guess the ref would have sent everyone in the building off if he could cram 20,500 into the box.
4:00 - The Sens get a glorious chance thanks to a 4-on-1 featuring Spezza, MacArthur and Karlsson. Lucky for the humour blogger, Erik Condra was the lucky man with the puck on his stick. Condra gently passes it over to Spezza with the conviction of Randy Carlyle stating that his job is safe.
1:05 - Zack Smith and Mark Stone skate in on a 2-on-1. Mark Stone, whom we're assuming is psychic, sees into the future and elects to peel off for the line change.
He's no Paul MacClone, but this Clarkson doppelganger gives me the willies.
|One is overpaid to take a seat, the other overpaid for his seat.|
16:43 - Spezza sets up Milan Michalek on a breakaway, but much like his contract negotations with Bryan Murray, he couldn't get the puck to settle.
13:37 - Chris Neil fulfills a bonus clause in his contract by taking a penalty with a third period lead. Or at least I assume that's what he's been going for all year.
12:32 - Milan Michalek trips Dion Phaneuf, sending the Leafs to a 5-on-3, but as the Leafs fans in the building will tell you, badly outnumbering your opposition doesn't contribute anything to the scoreboard.
10:55 - A Toronto fan throws their jersey onto the ice.
Someone threw a Leafs jersey on to the ice in Ottawa. pic.twitter.com/iyywLjIOsN
— Josh Gold-Smith (@GoldAndOrSmith) April 13, 2014
Leafs fan just threw his jersey on the ice. Then didn't bother waiting for security and left on his own.
— Shawn McKenzie (@ShawnMcKenzieSN) April 13, 2014
Leafs jersey thrown onto the ice in Ottawa. Can't believe Kessel just got naked like that in front of everyone.
— Bonk's Mullet (@BonksMullet) April 13, 2014
Keep throwing your jerseys, Leafs fans. Melnyk just opened up a new Kijiji account. — Capital Gains (@Capital_Gains65) April 13, 2014
A Leaf jersey was just thrown on the ice in the third period, but it didn't hit anyone. Forget Dave Bolland, there’s your Leafs’ identity.
— Down Goes Brown (@DownGoesBrown) April 13, 2014
10:45 - On their third breakaway of the night, J.G. Pageau is stuffed by James Reimer after trying to go fivehole. The Leafs' defencemen, turned inside out, somehow find themselves in the crowd:
#leaf fans turning their jerseys inside out. @BonksMullet @TravisHeHateMe pic.twitter.com/wLLgxNOL2e
— Elysia Desmier (@desmier04) April 13, 2014
5:30 - Eric Gryba gets left alone in the slot long enough for him to run through all 20 of the excellent features of his new duck call, "The Goosefather." James Reimer decides he's not interested and stops Gryba in tight.
0.0 - It must be Fall because the Leafs just plummeted down the standings. The Sens finish the year ahead of Toronto.
Final score 1-0 Sens. Bye Randy!
|"I'm free! I'm free!"|