An inside look at items left behind at Ottawa Senators locker clean out day

Monday, May 27, 2013

by Radek Bonk's Mullet

With the team holding their locker clean out day on Monday, I able to sneak in to the room while the players were distracted by the media. I was able to sneak a peak at the items left behind by the players in their respective lockers. The following is a comprehensive list of what I found.

Jason Spezza: Working draft of his captain's 'C' acceptance speech, with the date crossed out twice.

Kyle Turris: A giant tub of protein powder, still factory sealed.

Jean-Gabriel Pageau: His bottle of "Jean Gabriel's Secret Stuff."

Peter Regin: His career.

Colin Greening: A few shards of fibre glass, some nuts and bolts, and an oil can.

Matt Kassian: 1001 hipster jokes; many of them are underlined with "METHOT" written in the margin.

Chris Neil: A hefty stack of business cards from desperate local dentists.

Erik Condra: His copy of "Hitting the Net for Dummies."

Lightly used

Milan Michalek: A pad of pre-signed doctor's notes.

Guillaume Latendresse: His copy of a special impending-UFA edition of Jenny Craig magazine.

Cory Conacher: A signed photo from Martin St. Louis in a heart-shaped frame; glass shattered.
Artist's rendering. (@SensForLife11)
Jim O'Brien: As he does after every game, his cellphone.

Jakob Silfverberg: His golden helmet, golden skates, and golden jock strap. Ladies...

Mika Zibanejad: Any hint of a Swedish accent.

Zack Smith: His extremely worn out copy of "How to invent your very own accent."

Andre Benoit: Angry note from a delirious Lars Eller who heard "Player number 61" was the reason for his concussion.

Jared Cowen: His jockstrap, which he didn't bother to put back on after the Penguins tore it off.

Sergei Gonchar: Evgeni Malkin.

Chris Phillips: This discarded list:

Eric Gryba: A stack of parking tickets, traffic violations, court hearing dates, jury summons, and restraining orders, all sent from the Montreal Police.

Erik Karlsson: A dusty, old, leather-bound book with "lalala" on the cover; it burns the hand of all those who try to open it.

Mike Lundin: A request to have his own locker.

Marc Methot: A bag of nuts for his pet squirrel.

Patrick Wiercioch: A stack of love letters signed "Kyla Turrisa."

Craig Anderson: [Editor's note: Anderson's locker appears to have been replaced by a brick wall.]

Robin Lehner: A note he forgot to give to Craig Anderson, which simply read, "Soon ;)"

Daniel Alfredsson: The puck from game 4, labeled "to be thrown out." (and his shirt)

Thanks for reading, and thanks for a fun playoff run. We'll continue to have a ton of content over the summer. Just a reminder that every donation of $11.11 gets you a ballot in a draw to win an autographed Alfredsson card. Make your pledge here.